Wednesday 26 September 2012

We Knew That We Couldn't Surviive

Bethany tucked away the bag of jelly babies into her right jacket pocket, hurriedly relieving the duty of carrying them from her hands, which she preferred to keep free to sway amiably by her side, or to rifle through to a new song choice on her cheap mp3 player. It was almost like a stance of security for her, as if by keeping her hands free she was quick to react to whatever could approach her in the street, living or object. Maybe it was a faint yet poignant nod to her younger days, when she would prepare herself mentally and physically for any oncoming bullies or unsavoury types, who would surely take any chance to trip and push her into the mud.

Still, it was coming up for 7 and she was desperate to get back to her flat. She had spent the day aimlessly trudging round the Northern Quarter, initially hoping to find the promise of a new job, but as that search grew fruitless she started hoping she would find...anything. A new bar, or cafe, or place to go. Or that new job, or something to indicate a new turn around in her fortunes. A run-in with a new mysterious friend, who would show her the world. Truth be told she was underwhelmed by what she thought would be her big break; her impulsively epic jaunt to a new city, that for her harked the post-war migration of troubled youths heading for swelling cities to find fortune and adventure.

No, she was injecting far too much wonder and romance into this whole moving business. It had been a year now, and it was as much a sensible, pragmatic progression in her step to being a...district nurse.

"Well fuck those fucking NHS bastards to fuck."

Though her outward demeanor emanated a cool yet weary optimism about the whole situation, Bethany was stirring fear and petty anger within herself at the whole situation. Gross misconduct for something that was so commonplace and of little risk or offense to anyone; patient or doctor. Still, she must move fast and seek out a new source of income, except for selling her unnecessary things off to sustain her very existence down here in the wild. Returning home, jobless and defeated would surely make her a laughing stock among everyone. Plus she would have to find a job up there too.

She ventured around, ready to throw herself at a new path in life. That path just needed to come. And she didn't know many people in this city, and it had been a year now. People at the hospital were either busy, overworked or dead and since she had no previous connections down here it still felt like she was a bit..out of place, swamped and unknown in this town. Nonetheless, she projected a carefully measured ambivalent zeal about her new world. It was just more in its pupating, early awkward stages of creation than she made it out to be.

"Who knows," Bethany pondered wistfully, "maybe the hospital thing was a sign, that I need to try something new, that the stress really would have been too much," her mind wandered back to extended meetings with a baudy and patronising occupational therapist, who seethingly and viciously recited line after line about "mentality building" and "stress management" and all other sorts of management-think bullshit.

So Bethany was taking her recent career destroying mishap as a beacon, a sign to dive into something new. She heard a vibrate in her handbag, stuffed full of poorly written CVs, makeup and various essentials, it was her phone!

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